Bananas, Bikinis, and 6 inch high heels – INBA Natural Physique Titles 13th Oct 2007 PT 2

PT 2.  The Big Finale

We left the comp with a bit of a scrape as my car pulled off the lawn and unavoidably down the curb. Nevertheless, we tootled off glad to make it home in time for lunch.

The contentment soon turned to worry when above the radio came a loud, hollow sort of sound, as if my pitiful 4 cylinder car had turned into some kind of brute yet less than healthy turbo charged car. After a bit of chatter we decided I must’ve gained a hole in my muffler after scratching against the curb and upon examination it turned out I was actually missing my whole exhaust pipe! Great. Perfect timing.

Too exhausted and sore from posing to care, I had a stretch and propped up some pillows in a sitting position with towels all over my bed to settle down and have a nana nap (couldn’t mess up the hair or smudge the tan).

I was only asleep for a measly 15 minutes and so I spent the rest of my spare time rehearsing my dance routine. This was without realising my two openly homosexual neighbours were standing out the front peering in through my open curtains, marvelling at what I’m sure they thought was an aboriginal women having some kind of tribal corroboree in her lounge room. I didn’t even bother explaining, instead just closed my curtains to continue with practice. All of this occurred in between frustrating trips to the ladies room, where I had to leave a tap running to try to encourage the reduction of water retention, followed by sips of straight Jim Beam for dutch courage dehydration.

4 pm soon came and I began to fix my makeup when Tess arrived turned up to fix up my hair ready to go all over again.

We made it back to the comp around 5.30pm and found our tables to sit at before I headed backstage for a second time to get ready for my routine.

Having only a few touch ups to make with my tan, a new dilemma faced me. We were told we needed our shoes a second time, just to walk back on stage for our medallions and prizes. You’re joking me! I had left my shoes at home knowing we didn’t need them for our routine and thinking they didn’t wear shoes the previous year for prize givings, so I wouldn’t need them. Nevertheless, the hunt began for a pair of shoes someone would let me use for the 10 seconds I had to walk back on stage. At the last-minute one of the sports models was nice enough to let me use her shoes. So I was safe and with only my routine to go! I thanked god there wasn’t much more time left in the competition for me to stuff anything else up and I reminded myself that it would all soon be over.

I put my costume back on, and waited side stage munching on a few jellybeans and started watching the other routines, knowing my name would soon be called. A few routines later and I was next. Relaxed and confident with my stage presence, I made my way into my starting position in the middle ready to go. The music started, and I began grooving away.

A 60 second routine and it was all over!

I was really happy with my smooth performance and received positive reviews from a few onlookers for how funky my routine had been and how good my abs were. Best abs in WA Tess said couldn’t complain about that.

However, this did not prove to be enough for the judges as we all went back onstage for our final presentations. I stood in my pose with a tiresome yet satisfied smile on my face. Happy with my performances, my thoughts had already progressed to what the after party drinks would bring, a few interesting conversations, and unco dancing I was sure. I couldn’t wait for my first beer.

Unfortunately I missed out on a 1st 2nd or 3rd placing, but was presented with a medallion and big congrats for even having been able to get to compete for a state title reminded that very few even manage to achieve this.

Straight off the stage and I was into the water to re-hydrate. A full 59 hours of very little water and 35 diuretics later had taken its toll. I found the girl who’d leant me her shoes and handed them back thanking her for her generosity in helping me out. I posed for a few photos and was quick to head out to relax and enjoy the rest of the show.

The other categories were amazing, the females with complete grace and the males with their bulging muscularity and size. Even though it was a natural competition, it was easy to doubt many of the competitors ‘naturalness’ and suspicions were confirmed a couple of nights later when reports of some Russian competitors having had steroids and growth hormones taken off them at the Perth airport emerged.

Upon reflection, I’m glad I made the huge commitment to compete in this years INBA natural physique titles. It taught me sooo much about the importance of diet, water consumption, weight training, slow twitch and fast twitch muscle training, cardio training, and general dedication toward a healthy level of fitness. I have learnt how to manipulate and change aspects of my life to implement positive and also negative changes in my body. I feel an increased sense of control over my physical well being, and also a higher appreciation for those who take on bodybuilding as a full time hobby.

I’m not sure if I will compete again after analysing the costs incurred, this including a lost exhaust pipe, and buggered mobile phone, however I would certainly recommend everyone attend at least one of these events, to be able to fully appreciate the artistic side of bodybuilding. More importantly I sure do appreciate chocolate, the finer things in life so much more!

The body cannot do what the mind won’t believe – believe in yourself, I did.

~ J Mac